The Question that Silenced Four Alpha Males
I recently flew back home for a funeral, and found myself standing in the midst of four of the most formidable Alpha males on the East Coast: My father, his two brothers, and my Uncle by marriage. At 6’1”, I was the runt of the group, and the elder Alphas (as usual) made it clear through their body language that my inclusion in the discussion was a privilege – not a right. Being the respectable Chap that I am, I kept my mouth shut and listened to their banter about the upcoming Super Bowl, and how Grandpa's homemade rifle still shoots straight as an arrow 30 years after his death.
About five minutes later, they addressed me. If they knew I was recording their conversation, they’d kill me:
Dad: “Hey Mentu, when are you going to get married and settle down?”
Me: “When Hell freezes as solid as a brick.”
Uncle 1: “Smart man. Trust me, it’s more trouble than its worth, and if you settle down, you'll probably have to settle up in court when it's all said and done. Your Aunt is a pretty decent woman, but goddamn, even she gives me fits sometimes. Excuse my language, Dad Mentu. I know I shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain like that. Bad habit.”
The conversation went on for a few minutes along those lines.
Uncle 2: “So you’re really going to be the eternal bachelor, huh?”
Me: “I don’t see why not. Uncle 1 is right, it’s really not worth the trouble or expense.”
Uncle 1: “You get plenty of decent skirt when you want it?”
Me: “Yeah, I do ok.”
Dad: Now son, that's someone's little girl you're talking about. It ain't right and you know it...
Uncle 1: “Well, I guess that’s all that matters as long as you’re happy and know how to cook and push a button on a washing machine. There's really no need to rush into something...”
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Dad: “Don’t listen to these guys. Your mother is one heck of a woman, and I couldn't live without her. Well, I guess I could [smirk], but I’m better off with her around. She’s a good grandmother too. Most of the women these days aint worth a flip - I'll give you that. But if you look hard enough, you can find one who hasn't had her pretty all used up... or wasted her youth... or had a kid by another man or something.”
Me: “Yeah, mom is a keeper. They don’t make them like that anymore.”
Group: [Agreed]
Me: “So how do you guys handle strong women?”
Group: [Silence]
Me: “Really. How do you handle strong women?”
Group: [Silence]
Me: “No one has any answers for me here?”
All four men stood there in silence with a puzzled look on their face. I could tell they had never given the topic an ounce of thought.
Uncle 1: “That’s the dumbest question I’ve ever heard. Why are you even thinking about stupid shit like that? Sorry Dad Mentu. Didn't mean to say 'shit'. Anyway, you been watching Oprah or something?”
Me: “Just curious as to what your answer would be.”
Dad: “Boy, if you’re thinking about stuff like that, you have wrong thinking in your head because you’re giving these girls way too much credit. There’s no such thing as a strong woman. They can’t do a flippin' thing on their own. I don’t care if she’s a CEO or an astronaut, there’s a man or a rule book or something keeping her in line somewhere. You can write that down and call it gospel.”
Uncle 2: “I agree with your dad. Women can be... uh... resilient in a way I guess, but none of them are strong on their own. You know what? I think they know it too; deep down inside, they know it.”
Uncle 3: “You need some higher thinking. Find a good woman, put her on the program, lead, and she’ll follow. If she doesn’t, bid good riddance and don’t look back. End of story, really. End. Of. Story.”
If you've never tried it, I suggest the next time you're in a group of older men you respect, gently steer the conversation to the topic of women and then just listen. You'd be surprised how many men will talk freely and plainly about gender topics when the opposite sex isn't around. I do it quite often just for blog content and keep the recorder on my phone handy. Men who probably spend less time on the internet in a year than I do in a day and have never once heard the term "game" will give you the best damn game advice you've ever heard.
